Ending the Karmic Cycles of Shame

Having the courage to break generational karma can be an empath’s greatest dilemma.

Throughout my life, beginning in childhood, I have experienced patterns of narcissistic and emotional abuse. As an adult, I’ve had to make agonizing decisions to walk away from people I loved in order to protect myself from ongoing emotional harm.

There have been moments when the pain reduced me to a sobbing puddle on the bathroom floor—after being berated by an emotionally abusive aunt, after years spent in an abusive marriage, after navigating countless bullies, and while swimming in the depths of addiction and C-PTSD.

Slowly, over time, I began learning how to build self-worth from within after a lifetime shaped by abandonment.

I am grateful that my intuition and connection to this lifetime have kept me here. But I would be dishonest if I said the thought of leaving it had never crossed my mind.

For those of us who choose to stay and heal ourselves in this lifetime, it is one of the most courageous journeys we can take.

The Karmic Loop

A few years ago, I began to clearly see the patterns within my family.

One moment in particular became a turning point. I discovered that an incident had been discussed within the family—one that I was apparently involved in—yet no one had ever spoken to me about it directly.

Instead of inviting me into the conversation to seek truth or clarity, assumptions were made about my intentions. Without explanation, my husband and I were cast as the villains.

When you come to Christmas, there are certain topics that can’t be discussed. What do you mean? Why? Did something happen after we left? Why didn’t anyone call to talk to me about this?

That moment forced me to look more deeply at the patterns.

When had this started?

Perhaps it began with the emotional reactions rooted in shame that I experienced as a young adult. Perhaps it continued through the years in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Even now, the pattern shows itself in how much shame my family believes I bring to them simply by writing this blog and speaking about my healing journey.

Through my work as a psychic healer, I have learned something important:

When we heal generational patterns of shame within ourselves, we may also have to physically and energetically release ourselves from other people’s karmic cycles.

In other words, we stop participating in unresolved karma.

The Conditioning of Shame

Beginning in young adulthood, I was consistently met with shame instead of support.

Normal life choices were treated as moral failures.

I was shamed for not wanting to attend college at 18.

Shamed for marrying young at 21.

Disowned for my choices.

Shamed for having an abortion.

Shamed for choosing divorce instead of remaining in an abusive marriage.

Later, as a divorced mother trying to help my teenagers while unknowingly battling addiction and C-PTSD, I was again told that I should feel ashamed of my life decisions when I had to make the agonizing decision to leave my teenagers with my ex-husband.

How could a mother leave her children? I was asked.

At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening.

Now I do.

This is how behavioral conditioning works.

When someone is repeatedly met with projections of shame, the natural process of building self-worth is interrupted. Instead of learning how to feel worthy, the nervous system begins internalizing worthlessness.

Seeing the Pattern

Over the past two years, I’ve had the privilege of offering hundreds of psychic readings and healing sessions. Again and again, I see the same pattern within family dynamics—generational shame manifesting through narcissistic behaviors.

You don’t have to be psychic to see it.

When denial lifts, the patterns become visible: addiction, mental health struggles, neurodivergence, personality disorders, trauma, and PTSD.

Often, the people who project the most shame onto others are the ones who have never learned how to metabolize their own grief. Instead of processing their pain, they project it outward.

This is how generational trauma—also referred to as karmic cycles—continues.

Shame is passed down from one generation to the next until someone decides to stop carrying it.

Humans Have Free Will

When I began detaching from shame and building self-worth in its place, something inside me shifted. The patterns began breaking.

It changed how I showed up in every relationship in my life—my marriage, my friendships, my work, and especially with my children.

I began learning what unconditional love looks like in practice.

Validation.

Repair.

Ownership.

Accountability.

I have had to face the ways I showed up for my own children when they were young. The times I spanked them. The times I put them in time-out because I didn’t have the emotional regulation to meet their needs. The moments when my own unresolved pain spilled over and caused them harm.

That truth is painful.

But healing requires honesty.

Now, as adults, my children are living their own authentic lives and walking their own soul paths. My practice is showing up with them differently—with curiosity, compassion, emotional regulation, and respect. They have become my teachers.

I have learned more about authenticity and truth from my children than from anyone else in this lifetime. If I can show up with love and accountability now, perhaps they will see that healing is possible for them too. It is never too late to demonstrate love instead of shame.

They will have their own grief to process.

Grief for the childhood they deserved but did not receive.

Grief for the mother I wasn't.

I pray they are able to find their own medicine and create their roadmap for healing.

Leaving Karma Behind

Facing our own pain is not easy. Healing requires confronting grief, resistance, complexity, and letting go of the stories we’ve carried for years. But on the other side of that work is freedom.

When we break the karmic loop of shame, we stop receiving other people’s pain as our own. We build self-worth where shame once lived. From that place, we can choose compassion while also choosing distance from toxic family dynamics.

When I realized I was never invited into conversations that were about me—and when recent abusive behavior continues without accountability or apology—I knew it was time to step out of the karmic loop that is no longer mine.

As part of my healing practice, I’ve worked energetically to consciously update and remove soul agreements, release cords, and allow relationships to end with love, compassion and gratitude. As above, so below.

The only way humanity heals, is from the inside out.

When we learn to face our own pain instead of projecting it onto others, the cycle begins to change. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for ourselves—and for future generations—is to stop participating in the cycle altogether.

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Jane Garrity is a psychic medium, healer, writer, and content creator and also a certified Wilderness First Responder who brings a grounded and compassionate approach to spiritual healing.

You can book personal readings and healing sessions or explore more reflections on my healing journey at Inner Heart Healing LLC or through my social channels.

Disclaimer

This reflection is shared from my personal lived experience and spiritual perspective. Topics such as family estrangement, trauma, addiction, and emotional abuse can be deeply personal and may not resonate with everyone.

This writing and psychic healings are not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are navigating trauma or emotional distress, please consider seeking support from a qualified trauma informed therapist or healthcare professional.