I Didn’t See the Sign 🪧
How the practice of awareness becomes a healing tool for complex trauma. 🛠️
Confession: I’m guilty of not reading signs. There had been a sign taped to one of the counters where I work and I walked past it numerous times. A couple of weeks went by and I casually asked a co-worker a question and she said, “haven’t you seen the sign?”
Umm no…
The truth: I did see the sign. If I had stopped to read it I would have had the answer I was seeking. I wondered, how many signs do I unconsciously walk past every day? I’ve determined that there are signs all around me and without a practice of awareness, I was missing valuable communication.
Meditation As an Awareness Tool 🧘
I didn’t fully know or understand when I first tried to meditate what the results were going to be. I thought meditation was about calming the mind but it only showed me that my brain was a never-ending thought cycle. It felt impossible to find the peace that I so desperately craved. I concentrated on a visual focal point in my mind's eye. I would call all of my awareness to this point, only to find myself constantly lost in thought. Instead of feeling trapped by the running thoughts, I became aware of them, released them visually, then back to focus and repeat.
Over time it felt easier and I noticed the time between attention and unconsciousness was growing, like when counting Mississippis between the lightning and thunder during a storm. I observed that my awareness was expanding day-to-day, outside of meditation. I even established certain catchphrases and physical movements that would grab me back to attention. It was by practicing these exercises that I felt calmer and more able to focus in the present time. Turns out, I was making progress after all.
This is how I discovered what I call, the point of awareness. This was the solution. Initially, there were two distinct patterns I became aware of. One was behavior patterns; the second, messages from the Universe.
A few years ago, while I was still working in corporate, I had a manager who would use shame-based manipulation in order to maintain control through obedience. I would sit in his office, pen in hand ready to participate, only to feel knots in my stomach begin to contract. Instead of collaboration, he would insult my character, try to get me to abandon my experience, and sometimes shift blame to make me think his lack of control was somehow my failure.
Simultaneously, I would see number sequences in random places, like 1111 on a receipt, 222 on the clock, and 555 on the street. Once I had uncovered the point of awareness, I lifted the veil covering repeating patterns and it now feels impossible to unsee them.
The Gift of Sight 🧿
My discovery revealed my own gift of sight. I also learned that my third eye behaves like any other muscle in the body. I could develop it through practice and, just like lifting weights in the gym, over time that muscle builds. When I skip going to the gym, I experience atrophy and when I don’t increase the weight as I grow, I stop expanding.
Broadening my view has helped me see a larger picture and shift perspectives a little easier. I continue to uncover deeper truths about myself and the world around me. It hasn’t been easy. I had to learn to accept that I couldn’t heal anything I wasn’t willing to see within myself. There were things I had to learn about my own patterns and trauma that have been hard to face.
Seeing these truths was a mixed bag of identifying what was and wasn’t mine to hold. At first, it felt like trying to unravel a ball of tangled Christmas lights that had been thrown in a box sitting on a dusty shelf in the garage. This slow unraveling required patience, flexibility and determination. I saw that I needed to replace quite a few burnt-out bulbs of dignity and self respect while untying the tangled knots of denial.
It was through willingness and curiosity that I was able to validate and recognize my own patterns. There were many times when I ignored my gut feelings, I said yes when I really meant no, and the times I felt invalidated. Without an awareness practice I would still be that tangled ball of burnt out lights, full of trauma responses, anxiety and emotional dysregulation.
Resistance Is Futile 🧱
When I feel resistance to my own practice it’s actually my old patterns not wanting to let go. I didn’t just wake up one day and begin meditating as a routine. I built it into my days over time and I discovered that letting go of the resistance to the practice was the most challenging!
I am routinely releasing resistance as I show up. The good news is that there is no such thing as the meditation police. It’s taken me a few years to really get into the habit of meditating daily and there is no right or wrong way of going about it. It's deeply personal.
The byproduct that I hadn’t expected? Learning how to build self-trust. Building trust within myself is a huge piece of the healing puzzle. If my patterns through CPTSD were abandonment, the first thing I could change was to stop abandoning myself. Each time I faced these behavioral patterns I had a choice: I could abandon my truth, worth and experiences for someone else's version or I could choose Me. When I chose Me, I saw a brick of trust land in my foundation.
I show up to practice every day. Sometimes I read and interpret numerous signs in a day and sometimes I miss more than I care to admit.
By missing that sign at work, I almost missed an important opportunity to share my voice. The good news is there is no right or wrong way, no perfection, there is just practice.
Stay true to your heart. 💙
With Love,
Rev. Jane
Continue the Practice
Awareness is something we cultivate, one moment at a time.
If you're curious about developing your own practice, I've created a companion resource with meditation exercises, grounding techniques, and journal prompts to help you begin.
An Invitation to Practice Together
Recognizing what we're carrying is often the first step toward deciding what we're ready to release.
I invite you to join me for my upcoming Sacred Harvest Ceremony, a virtual gathering for honoring life's transitions, releasing old patterns and identities, and intentionally cultivating what comes next.
Through guided meditation, journaling, and ritual, we'll create space to acknowledge what is ending and welcome what is beginning.
About Rev. Jane
Rev. Jane Garrity is a psychic medium, spiritual healer, ordained minister, writer, and creator of the Inner Heart Healing Road Map. Drawing from her own journey of healing complex trauma and spiritual awakening, she shares personal stories, spiritual insights, and practical tools to help others reconnect with their authentic Self.
Through her writing, healing sessions, ceremonies, and ministry, Jane creates space for self-discovery, healing, and spiritual connection.
Rooted in Spirit. Grounded in Humanity.
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