Storms, Spirits and Sisterhood - Part 1

The spring of 2024 was the spring of the most tornadoes the US has ever had on record. As stats would have it, by May 31, a total of 66 tornadoes were recorded in Nebraska and Iowa and my plan was to drive my truck camper across Interstate 80 right through it all. I had been obsessively googling what to do if I encountered a tornado on the road and scanning the weather forecasts across the country. 

Get under an overpass, get into a ditch, turn around, leave the area immediately. Solid advice. So on Saturday, May 18, 2024, I knew I had to leave Colorado by 8am, or I might encounter extreme weather on days two and three through Iowa and Illinois. I had an important wedding to get to in New Hampshire, and my goal was to be there on time and unscathed. 

When I had finally made the decision to take this trip, I could sense Eric's apprehension about me driving solo across the country. The combination of me traveling solo and the fact that we were still in deep relearning and healing in our relationship, brought up all sorts of feelings. It also didn’t matter how self assured I was with my new gun, or my new wilderness first responder certification, the fact of the matter was that if anything were to happen I would be alone on the side of the highway in the middle of an Iowa cornfield potentially yielding kids with machetes. 

I will admit that it was hard for me to put my ego aside as - I am woman, hear me roar!, and accept the reality that he was right. It didn’t change the fact that I still wanted to do it by myself so I had to turn my thinking around to that of having my alone time on the way home and perhaps having someone with me for the drive out would build even more confidence for my solo ride home. So when I mentioned that my friend Kacey was interested in flying to Denver and driving out with me, it eased Eric’s mind, and yes, it eased mine too.

I had quit drinking alcohol a couple of years ago, and it unintentionally catapulted me into a healing journey, which turned into a spiritual awakening that was combined with opening up my psychic abilities. I was navigating a lot of my own emotional reprogramming from childhood trauma, CPTSD and addiction and now let’s add psychic visions, hearing voices call my name when no one was there, the sensations of feeling someone blowing on the back of my neck, seeing apparitions and oh I could go on, but you get the point. 

These changes that I was personally going through were significant within our relationship, a relationship that I began as an alcoholic. We spent some drunken evenings triggering each other which turned into intense emotional pain. When two people come together, and they are each unaware of their disorganized attachment style, it creates a pattern of abuse. Abuse to ourselves, and abuse to each other. When he was avoidant, I would get anxious. When he was anxious, I would get avoidant. Neither one of us was adept at communication especially when it came to emotional healing and a secure attachment.

So in the months leading up to me leaving for my trip, our relationship had been a combination of ups and downs, making promises to each other, holding each other responsible, breaking the old patterns and learning how to communicate in a better way. This relearning phase takes a lot of patience, practice and compassion.

By the time I left for my trip, we were in a good place in our relationship. It wasn't perfect, but it was ours and we are learning as we go. We did this by allowing space for each other. If I couldn’t choke out the words I needed to say, Eric silently waited and allowed me to take the time I needed to and vice versa. 

I knew on a spiritual level that Eric and I were connected the moment we met, and now I understand that we were brought together in this lifetime to help each other heal and have a chance to experience the type of love that each of us had always longed for.

When I asked Kacey if she wanted to fly to Denver to drive with me to New Hampshire, she immediately said yes without even a second thought. The anticipation and planning in the couple of months leading up to what was now our trip, was truly fun. It felt like we were planning the  high school road trip we always wanted but never had. Just a couple of fifty-something menopausal GenX'ers driving through the country without a care in the world!

We were up early that Saturday morning and excited to head out. After taking a whole week to pack my life and everything I could possibly need for a month and more into the back of that camper and truck, I was ready. 

I started the truck. 

The airbags weren't working. I tried to inflate them with the remote, but nothing happened. 

“Hey babe? The airbags aren’t working.” I called out to Eric.

“What? Let me see”, Eric took the air bag remote from me as I sat in the driver’s seat of the truck. He was just as puzzled. He crawled underneath the truck to see if he could see what was going on. It was 7:35 am. 

I turned to Kacey and said,

“We don’t have time for this. We must be on the road by 8 because of the weather.” 

“Okay, don’t freak out, we’ll make it”, Kacey said reassuringly. 

“No, you don’t get it, I am feeling extremely anxious about making this weather window. If we do not leave at this time, and today I might not make my sister's wedding, and that is not an option.” 

“Okay, I understand, and just tell me what you need from me.”  I immediately knew in that very moment that I made the right decision to ask her to come along, because she did understand and for that I was so grateful.

Eric called out from under the truck. 

“Hey I don’t know why they aren’t working. Perhaps when we had the service done on it they tripped a sensor or something. I can call them and see what we can do.” 

I raised my voice, “ I am feeling anxious and need to leave now. How am I ready to leave and this is just happening now?” After getting the truck ready for the next 5,000 miles, how did we miss this, I thought.

Eric came out from under the truck, “Don’t get mad at me, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on” 

“I’m not mad at you, I said I was feeling very anxious about making sure i get on the road in time.” 

“OK” he said back.

I got out of the truck. 

“What are my options?” I asked him.

“Well, you can stay another day and get them checked or you can risk it. How does it feel without having them? It’s all about how you feel driving the truck with the camper and your comfort level.” 

“Okay, I don’t feel like I'm risking it, I feel like the airbags have always been an added value, but not necessarily needed, as I prefer them not inflated so there is less sway.” 

Driving our truck camper feels like what I would imagine sailing the titanic feels like in stormy waters. Every small turn feels like we were swaying and bobbing in the ocean and I liked the thought of minimizing that for the long drive ahead.  

Eric looked at me, waiting for my decision.

“I’m going risk it. I think it will be fine without them, I’ll probably like driving it much better without them anyway.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” 

We hugged, and kissed, and hugged some more and teared up. It was hard to let go, for both of us, but we each stepped back, and then I climbed in the truck. 

“I’ll see you next weekend!” I yelled out the window. He was flying in for the wedding and it was a comforting feeling to know that once I made it to New Hampshire, he would be there too. I didn’t know at the time that it wouldn’t be until after he left New Hampshire, and I was on my own again the true test of time really began. 

Pulling out of my driveway that morning felt simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. We stopped for gas and then immediately got on the highway and headed west. It was little after 8 am, and I was feeling relieved that we were leaving on time.  

Eric had suggested that a good rule of thumb was that  -a half a tank of gas is an empty tank of gas. I thought it made sense too so I decided that it would be the rule for the entire trip. This meant stopping around every 2 hours to gas up as with the additional weight of the camper in the bed, it was only getting about 10 miles per gallon. It ended up working out perfectly, every couple of hours the tank got filled, our bladders got empty and it was a good way to consistently stretch the legs. 

Our first stop was at Love's off 76, in northwest Colorado. After deciding that we weren’t very hungry for breakfast, the Carl’s Jr was looking pretty good. For two people that do not eat much fast food, we sure did get our fill over the next 4 days with burgers, shakes and fries and we enjoyed every greasy processed bite.

The drive through northeast Colorado and Nebraska were relatively boring, and we started counting the number of dead deer we saw along I80 and once we got to 20, we decided that it wasn’t a fun thing to do. It sparked a vision in my mind that looked like a dystopian post apocalyptic future. When technology and industry is covered in earth and herds of deer are now the most populated species in America, munching on overgrown foliage that covers highways, buildings and cars like Mother Earth is swallowing it up.

To say I was aware of my divine guidance would be an understatement. I enrolled in psychic school in January, and I have been developing and learning more about my unique psychic abilities, my personal spirituality, and most of all, how I can utilize my experiences and psychic knowledge to help others. Each day I awoke on that trip, I had set the intention that I would follow my intuition and be psychically aware the entire way. 

It was around 5 o’clock when we pulled into Eugene T. Mahoney state park just before we hit Omaha and stopped at the ranger station. 

“Good Evening, how are you?” The ranger asked.

“I’m great thank you, we are looking for a campsite for tonight, do you have any available?” 

“Well it’s your lucky day, all Nebraska State Parks are free this weekend and I do have spots open.” 

“Free? It is our lucky day, thank you!” 

It had been excellent divine guidance driving that day and I sent a prayer of gratitude to my spirit team above.

As we were getting settled in, I said out loud some agreements that I thought would make it much easier for two post menopausal women sharing a teeny weeny space. It was also Kacey’s first time traveling and living in a truck camper, so saying these agreements out loud helped set the tone of the entire trip. 

“Everything we need will always be buried behind something else. We just get used to emptying the cupboard, find what we need, then put everything back. Things are going to fall. Like all the time. It’s expected, so we just say, oh well, and pick it up and put it back. Always be mindful of opening the fridge after parking, something always falls out. Things will get messy, dirty and feel claustrophobic and It’s all no big deal, we just expect it all as the truck camper way of life.” 

I do think that those out loud agreements really helped us both throughout the trip. We just expected the shit to fall, get dirty, be messy and it truly wasn’t a big deal. Eric and I have dry camped off grid many times and find familiarity and ease with digging holes for poo, conserving water, and staying clean and sanitized as best we can to avoid sickness. That concept was reiterated for me when I learned in wilderness first responder school, that dirty hands and leftover food are the leading cause of illness in the backcountry. Just because I was now a certified WFR (WOOFER!), didn’t mean I wanted to have to implement those skills at any time.

So we settled in. I checked the weather and was a little worried about tomorrow’s drive as I saw some morning storms on the radar, and I was chatting with Eric and getting his opinion on the situation. When we had turned the lights out for sleep, I laid my head on my pillow and meditated as I fell fast asleep. 

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