Healing the Abandonment Wound — Step 3: Building Self-Worth

In Step 1, we learned to pause and recognize our feelings when we’re triggered — the moment awareness begins. If you haven’t read that one yet, you can start there.

In Step 2, we focused on validating our feelings. When we’re taught in childhood to suppress emotion, or told that our lived experiences are wrong, shame takes root. Validation is how we begin undoing that conditioning. Read it here.

Now comes Step 3 — the most important step of all: building self-worth, self-love, and belonging.

For those of us living with C-PTSD, I believe this is also the hardest step.

How do we build self-worth when no one ever showed us how?

Showing Up for Ourselves

We begin by showing up for ourselves in the ways we once hoped others would.

The reality is this: we will feel abandoned by people we love. Expecting our partners, parents, or loved ones to never make us feel abandoned is an impossible standard — and an incredibly heavy burden we unconsciously place on others.

To expect someone else to always meet our emotional needs is to set ourselves up to relive the wound.

And if we aren’t showing up for ourselves, how can we fully show up for anyone else?

The only way to heal this wound is to go inward. We validate ourselves. We build our own self-worth.

The responsibility — gently but truthfully — is ours.

Awareness + Worth = Healing

When healing the abandonment wound, this step and Step 1 work together.

Self-worth begins with allowing ourselves to feel (Step 2). When we’ve been shamed for our feelings throughout our lives, our worth erodes — replaced by self-judgment.

As a practicing psychic clairvoyant, I can see the moments in my life where shame replaced love. Seeing them clearly has helped me connect the dots to my own healing — and it’s how I help clients begin theirs.

Even forgotten moments return, not to retraumatize, but to be re-held with compassion and clarity.

This awareness has also helped me understand my parents’ trauma — how it’s passed down through generations, shaping patterns we’re now waking up from. These cycles live in shame and judgment.

Here’s what matters most:

Shame and judgment are societal constructs. They are not ours.

As human beings, we are divine, whole, and inherently worthy of creating lives filled with meaning and love.

Dark to Light

Through understanding the universal law of duality, I’ve learned to approach healing by asking:

What was the opposite of that experience?

Dark to light. The light is how we heal.

Without self-worth, we shrink. We don’t stand up for ourselves or for love. We make ourselves smaller to avoid loss — especially the loss of a parent or caregiver.

These moments become stored emotional trauma. They shape our autopilot. Shame becomes the undercurrent.

It’s the human condition.

We carry that shame until we’re ready to release it — making room for worth, love, abundance, and belonging.

As with all universal laws, we must create space to receive. Old patterns must be released before new energy can enter.

Out with the old. 

In with the new.

Reconditioning the Operating System

Building self-worth begins with noticing self-deprecating thoughts — and consciously replacing them.

When we look inward, we may also begin to see how abandonment pain can turn into narcissistic self-blame: believing people leave because of us.

But here’s the truth:

People don’t abandon us — we abandon ourselves.

People make choices based on their paths, desires, and limitations. It is not a reflection of our worth.

No one does anything because of us.

Simple to say.

Hard to live.

We are born as psychic, spiritual beings full of worth and belonging. That truth is conditioned out of us. Healing is about reconditioning — changing the operating system.

It’s alchemy. 

Dark to light.

Shame to worth.

Standing in Sovereignty

Some of the ways I’ve built self-worth include standing up for myself and honoring my truth.

This is especially important for those of us who were bullied — by parents, teachers, partners, bosses, peers.

I once wondered why bullying followed me through so many chapters of life. The answer was simple and painful: no one taught me how to build self-worth.

Just being human means we are worthy of life itself.

When we’re bullied or gaslit, we can remain sovereign — understanding that what’s being projected onto us is not ours to carry.

We are not born with shame.

We are taught it.

Reframes I Practice Daily

Here are some of the reframes I use when I catch myself looping through shame, guilt, judgment, expectation, or doubt:

No one does anything because of me. When I feel unseen or unheard, I remember everyone else is also navigating their own inner world. Their limitations are not a verdict on my worth.

We learn as we go. Mistakes are not punishments. They are lessons. Each day is brand-new — and we’ve never lived it before.

I am fully whole, worthy, and loved exactly as I am. Being human is divine. Worth is not determined by bodies, identities, or perceptions. If someone cannot see your worth, it’s because they cannot see their own.

Do what brings you joy. The same world that allows pain also allows joy. You are worthy of both experience and fulfillment.

Practice, not perfection. Progress is uneven. Baby steps count. Standing still counts. Practice builds new muscle memory — and new consciousness.

Some days we show up and we’re bad at it. That’s still practice.

Changing the Narrative

When I began showing up for myself, I learned how to show up for others — my husband, adult children, friends, and family.

If we want to change patterns of abandonment, we start inward. We change how we relate to ourselves first.

Validation leads.

Compassion follows.

This series is ending for me on the Solstice — alongside relationships I once believed defined my belonging. Clairvoyance has shown me the full arc: the patterns, the truth, the generational roots.

Some things are hard to see.

But they are freeing.

So we keep going. 

Building worth. 

Choosing love. 

Practicing — over time.

Because to receive abundance, we must believe we are worthy of it first.

Recommended Reading

• The Four Agreements — Don Miguel Ruiz

• Manic Pixie eGirl — Nate Lemke (explicit-releasing shame!)

• The Inner Work — Ashley Cottrell & Matthew Micheletti

• The Alchemist — Paulo Coelho

• The Myth of Normal — Dr. Gabor Maté

• How to Be the Love You Seek — Dr. Nicole LePera

Closing & Support

If you feel called to deeper support, I offer Soul Path Psychic Readings and Healing sessions designed to help you reconnect with your inner worth and truth.

Jane Garrity is a Psychic Medium, Wilderness First Responder, writer, and content creator — learning, healing, and awakening as she goes.

Disclaimer

I am not a licensed medical or mental health professional. This article is not intended to diagnose, treat, or provide medical or psychological advice. The content shared here is based on my lived experience, intuitive healing work, and personal learning.

If you believe you may be experiencing C-PTSD or trauma-related symptoms, please seek support from a qualified trauma-informed therapist, mental health professional, or a local crisis support center. You deserve professional care and support.